While almost all American boys have human-looking privates, most foreign boys have privates like German Shepherds or half-open tubes of Max Factor lipstick.
WTF?
# Because boys use the business end of their privates as a pipe for going number one, touching it is pretty much the same as taking a bath in a Mexican's toilet.
# Though erotically sensitive just like girl nipples, boy nipples are NOT privates – yet. But my husband and I are working hard to instill a sense of sexualized body shame so acute, that one day soon boys will learn that their nipples are dirty little things that will get them – just like you! – arrested when they strut around topless at Myrtle Beach. America is not some big, old licentious San Tropez and it's time all of you out there realized it!