10:29: Eddie points out a girl wearing the standard anti-globalization outfit. It is topped off with a “No Blood for Oil” button. Rich whispers in my ear, “You gotta get her. Come on man. Do it--for us…for your country.” Eddie starts humming God Bless America.
10:29: I storm over. Rich says into the voice recorder, “Target acquired…we are weapons hot.”
10:30: I introduce myself to her as Alger Hiss. She doesn’t get the joke. Time to be blunt:
Tucker “Do you hate the World Bank?”
Girl "Uhh, umm, well, I mean, yeah, I feel that...”
Tucker “You don’t hate the World Bank.”
Girl "I don’t?”
Tucker “No. You’re mad at your father. You just want daddy to hug you more.”
Girl "What?”
Tucker “You were a sociology major weren’t you?”
Girl "NO!”
Tucker “What was your major?”
Girl [Pauses] “Uhhh, English Literature.”
Tucker [Pause--to give her a look of contempt] “Did your parents send you a bill for college? How are those Marxist Literary Critique classes working out for you? You work at Barnes and Noble don’t you?
Girl "NO--I wor--“
Tucker “Shouldn’t you be blocking an intersection right now? How many anti-sweatshop petitions have you signed--EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE REEBOKS ON. Very-anti globalization to wear those with your animal tested Clinque make-up made in Nepal. Well, at least you’re consistent in your shameless hypocrisy.”
Girl "What a fascist piece of shi--“
Tucker “You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That’s what it’s like listening to you speak.”
Girl [A mishmash of stammered half insults]
Tucker “Seriously--If I stuck my dick in your mouth would that shut you up?”
Girl Wha…YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE!“
Tucker “HEY--Don’t blame me for the wound in your crotch.” [As I walk off] “By the way, you owe us a rib.”
Not sure if this is old
Not sure if this is old
http://www.tuckermax.com/absinthedonuts.html
