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Another jokes thread, If I may
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 10:34 pm
by Guest
Police in Los Angeles, had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"
RE:
http://www.danggoodjokes.com/
Full of jokes I never heard of before. Enjoy
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:17 pm
by Canis
Bwahah!
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Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:23 pm
by primaltheory
http://www.danggoodjokes.com/towel/
HAH AHAHAHA OH MY GOD
that's great
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:25 pm
by plained
there once was an old couple named betty and bb.
for thier 50th aniversary betty decided to get her husbands enitials tatooed on her arse.
so off she went and got a b tatooed to each of her bum cheecks.
when the hubby came home heh she pulled down her pants to show him his gift.
he just was all bewilderd for awile, then he asked
Who the fucks bob ?
read it in some mag recently heh
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:25 pm
by Guest
That's what I call original
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:29 pm
by tnf
Was it someone here who said this one:
"Heisenberg to pulled over for speeding. The cop came up to his window and asked 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg said 'No, but I can tell you where I am.'"
Old.
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:34 pm
by R00k
lol, that's a pretty funny nerd joke.
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:38 pm
by mjrpes
tnf wrote:Was it someone here who said this one:
"Heisenberg to pulled over for speeding. The cop came up to his window and asked 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg said 'No, but I can tell you where I am.'"
Old.
That was nightshade.
Alternate rendition...
Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop.
Officer: "Do you have any idea how fast you were going, sir?"
Heisenberg: "Yes, but where the fuck am I?"
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:43 pm
by MKJ
pete wrote:That's what I call original
actually, there were trams in amsterdam that had paintjobs like that a fe wyears back
fun times
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:43 pm
by Canis
pete wrote:That's what I call original
....now THATs funny! :icon14:
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:54 pm
by Guest
New Years Resolution... Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:58 pm
by Guest
Old but just in case someone never heard of it...
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 12:20 am
by Guest
Not really a joke but true
On the side of a building in Montreal I saw a sign that says no sign allowed
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 12:21 am
by primaltheory
so I was on this fourm, and this guy pete, get this, he tripleposted! triple!
xD
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:08 am
by Guest
primaltheory wrote:so I was on this fourm, and this guy pete, get this, he tripleposted! triple!
xD
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:10 am
by primaltheory
LOL! niceee! i'm just messing around so yeah...Lol wow you guys are a goldmine of funny images.
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:21 am
by farad
A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard and all the dents would pop out.
The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The blonde explained that the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o! You need to roll up the windows first!"
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:31 am
by Guest
primaltheory wrote:LOL! niceee! i'm just messing around so yeah...Lol wow you guys are a goldmine of funny images.
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:32 am
by Dukester
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, "It's just ice cream."
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:53 am
by Guest
Two morons rent a boat and go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. 1st moron: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.
2nd moron: Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot.
1st moron: You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?
Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:40 pm
by Guest
Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 9:58 pm
by eepberries
Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 9:59 pm
by Grudge
Dukester wrote:A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, "It's just ice cream."
I loled irl
Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 10:07 pm
by Guest
eepberries wrote:
GET OUT
I warned you it was dumb sorry
Do you prefer this?
New inventions by blondes.
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat
Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 10:12 pm
by MKJ
reusable icecubes actually exist my friend. i have some
