Police in Los Angeles, had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"
RE: http://www.danggoodjokes.com/
Full of jokes I never heard of before. Enjoy
Another jokes thread, If I may
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primaltheory
- Posts: 623
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 4:31 am
there once was an old couple named betty and bb.
for thier 50th aniversary betty decided to get her husbands enitials tatooed on her arse.
so off she went and got a b tatooed to each of her bum cheecks.
when the hubby came home heh she pulled down her pants to show him his gift.
he just was all bewilderd for awile, then he asked
Who the fucks bob ?
read it in some mag recently heh
for thier 50th aniversary betty decided to get her husbands enitials tatooed on her arse.
so off she went and got a b tatooed to each of her bum cheecks.
when the hubby came home heh she pulled down her pants to show him his gift.
he just was all bewilderd for awile, then he asked
Who the fucks bob ?
read it in some mag recently heh
That was nightshade.tnf wrote:Was it someone here who said this one:
"Heisenberg to pulled over for speeding. The cop came up to his window and asked 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg said 'No, but I can tell you where I am.'"
Old.
Alternate rendition...
Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop.
Officer: "Do you have any idea how fast you were going, sir?"
Heisenberg: "Yes, but where the fuck am I?"
[size=85]yea i've too been kind of thinking about maybe a new sig but sort of haven't come to quite a decision yet[/size]
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Guest
Old but just in case someone never heard of it...
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."
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primaltheory
- Posts: 623
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 4:31 am
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Guest
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primaltheory
- Posts: 623
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 4:31 am
A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard and all the dents would pop out.
The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The blonde explained that the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o! You need to roll up the windows first!"
The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The blonde explained that the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o! You need to roll up the windows first!"
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Guest
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, "It's just ice cream."
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, "It's just ice cream."
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eepberries
- Posts: 1975
- Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2005 10:14 pm
GET OUTpete wrote:So dumb but http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic909.htm
I loled irlDukester wrote:A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, "It's just ice cream."
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Guest
I warned you it was dumb sorryeepberries wrote:GET OUTpete wrote:So dumb but http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic909.htm
Do you prefer this?
New inventions by blondes.
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat
