I'm not sure about how many people have seen the map you remade, but it does look similar in many ways. It seems as though you aren't entirely familiar with radiant, but you pulled off the conversion well enough. The main concerns are: Lighting, Z-fighting, texture alignment, and scale.
The conversion seems to be fine for playing, and most of the mistakes are of basic level. Through experience you will learn how not to make these mistakes, and hopefully with my post I will be able to help you with that.
There are a few instances where a texture isn't aligned correctly. Here is one:
[lvlshot]http://img840.imageshack.us/img840/5007/92452907.jpg[/lvlshot]
In order to fix things such as this, highlight the texture (one face of the brush with CTRL + ALT + SHIFT + CLICK) and press S. A screen like this will pop up:
On square brushes such as these (the texture seems to fit almost exactly at a 1:1 ratio), one is able to click "Fit" with the width and height ratios set to 1. The texture will stretch, compress, and/or align itself so it fits precisely in a 1:1 ratio on the brush.
I'm not sure exactly how this next problem came about, but I believe it was an error with rotating the texture.
[lvlshot]http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/2946/66789898.jpg[/lvlshot]
Again, in the surface inspector window, you can click "Axial" for the texture to go back to its original state. From there you can rotate / adjust the texture as needed.
Another problem, which there really wasn't too much of, was Z-Fighting. Z-Fighting is when two brushes are overlapping so a problem like this occurs:
[lvlshot]http://img830.imageshack.us/img830/7018/38378296.jpg[/lvlshot]
The simple fix would be either to move one brush out of the way of the other, or to clip one of the brushes using the clipping tool.
Another problem is that the sky texture (I'm assuming) is missing, and there is map leakage toward the top.
[lvlshot]http://img836.imageshack.us/img836/6786/93784956.jpg[/lvlshot]
Perhaps check to make sure that the texture you used for the sky was in the right place in the pk3, and that if there is a shader (there will be for a sky) that the shader is also included in the pk3's "scripts" folder. The leakage can be solved simply by placing a brush over the leaks, or even (in order to find an area with a leak) box the entire map in solid brushes so you can compile it and see where it is leaked. I also recommend using "/noclip" to help you view the map in game.
Now then, those problems aside, the other two issues with the conversion are lighting and scale. The lighting and scale are perfectly fine (besides the scale being a bit tight), but for the conversion the scale a bit small, and the lighting is entirely different. Perhaps if you try to convert another map try to match the scale and lighting more closely. In this instance, it is still playable, so that is good.
I am not a fan of the jump pad in the middle, but at least it works.
Also, for future reference, you may want to add a levelshot. To do this just add a folder named "levelshots" and an image with the map's name to the pk3.
Overall, not too shabby. You had a fair amount of detail for such a tiny, boxy map. Hopefully you can learn something from this experience and use it to create other maps in the future. Keep posting!
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[url=http://teameventhorizon.com/]Team Event -O- Horizon[/url]
[url=http://mapping.maverickservers.com/]NoGhost Map Making Competition 2 (June 2010)[/url]
