Open Letter from Joe Rogan to Kellogg's on phelps and pot

[[xeno]Julios]

http://blog.joerogan.net/archives/454

Dear, Kellogg’s.
I’m writing this letter to express my disappointment in your company in firing Michael Phelps as a spokesperson for your products because he was photographed while enjoying some marijuana.
I respectfully would like to communicate my opinion on this matter because I think it’s of great public interest.
First of all, although it is true that Mr. Phelps broke the law, I think any reasonably intelligent person would admit that it’s one of the most fucked up and corrupt laws that we have today in this country. Marijuana is relatively harmless and certainly far less dangerous than a host of other things that are not only legal but also readily available, like alcohol and prescription drugs. The only reason it remains illegal to this day is because it’s a plant and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies.
That’s it.
Marijuana has never killed anyone EVER in over 10,000 years of use. We’re not protecting people from themselves, we’re not saving the children - it’s just a horribly illogical law that is in place because of corruption and propaganda.
The fact that it’s against the law is just a disgusting reminder of how retarded our system is, not a reasonable reaction to a proven threat to society.

I have to say, this whole thing saddens me, because I personally would like to think that as Americans we’re better than this. These television news anchors will shake their heads at the thoughtless mistake Mr. Phelps had made by “smoking dope,” and then without even the tiniest sense of irony they will cut to a beer commercial.
This is supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave, right? We’re not supposed to be a nation of little bitches giving in to the whims of corrupt politicians and the pharmaceutical companies who’s interests they’re representing.
It’s 2009, and in this day and age with the incredible access to information that we have available there’s no fucking way that we should be allowing human beings to tell other human beings that they can’t do something that they enjoy that hurts no one including themselves.
THAT is madness. THAT is ignorant, and THAT is completely fucking un-American.
I don’t want to hear any of that, “he’s setting a bad example with the children” nonsense either, because we all know if he had a gin and tonic in his hand instead of a bong this would never have been an issue, even though every single study ever done has shown that marijuana is FAR less dangerous than alcohol.
Marijuana laws are a horrible waste of resources and law enforcement, and especially in this day and age with our economy in such horrible shape I believe the last thing we need to be doing is wasting tax payers’ money on any of this victimless bullshit.

I find your reactions to Mr. Phelps situation both ignorant and short sighted.
I think what would have been a far better response from Kellogg’s would be to support Mr. Phelps, and perhaps point out that maybe we as a society should take a closer look at the evidence and possibly reconsider our position on this misunderstood plant that so many of our productive citizens find useful.
Now, I’m sure if you really were running Kellogg’s and you were still reading my bullshit all the way down to this, you must be thinking, “Why the hell would we stick our necks out like that for pot smokers?”

And of course the answer to that question would be, because we buy your shit, motherfucker.
Do you guys even know your consumer statistics? Well, let me fill you in on some of my own personal scientific research on the subject, because I have been closely studying my own purchases for over 20 years, and I can tell you that I’ve been high 100% of the time I’ve bought your shit.
I mean, do you guys ever think about what you sell?
Pop tarts? Are you kidding me? I would be willing to bet that 50% of the people buying pop tarts are stoned out of their fucking minds.
Just to be perfectly clear on my position, I would like you to know that I enjoy your products. I think many of them are quite tasty, but lets be honest; you guys sell sugar-drenched shit that’s horrible for your body - in fact, it’s actually way worse for your body than pot - and you market this shit specifically to children.
You assholes go as far as putting lovable cartoon characters on the boxes just so that kids will beg their parents for it.

Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand my point, because I in no way want anything bad to happen to your company. Like I said, I genuinely enjoy your products.
There’s nothing quite like being stoned out of your mind at 2am watching a Chuck Norris movie and eating a bowl of fruit loops. Your company and its products have been a part of some very pleasurable moments in guilty eating, and I’m glad you’re around.
All I’m saying is that it’s high time (no pun intended) that you motherfuckers respect the stoner dollar. There’s WAY more of us than you might think, and we tend to get upset about dumb shit like this. There are millions of us, and if we decide that we don’t like a company, they’re going to feel it.
I think if you looked into it carefully, you would be surprised at how many undercover potheads there are out there. Pot smokers don’t all fit into the obvious, negative stereotypes; we come in all shapes and forms - including by the way, the form of the greatest fucking swimmer who ever lived, EVER.
Think about THAT shit for a second..
So in closing, I would like to ask you nice folks to please smarten the fuck up.
I would request that you check the calendar and note that it’s 2000 and fucking 9, and next time you think about getting all uppity about pot you might want to do a quick google search on the facts.

It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg’s products: Eggo waffles.
I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving fuck out of them.
Good day, sirs.

Yours truly,

Joe Rogan.

[raw]

I love Joe Rogan!

[scared?]

i fucked a guy like joe rogan for breakfast...

[xer0s]

I love Joe Roagan!

He is the fucking king!

Awesome read. Thanks Jules...

[Transient]

[LawL]

i fucked a guy like joe rogan for breakfast...

lol aids...

[fKd]

is this the fear factor dude?

[CaseDogg]

yes.

[fKd]

holy shit, this gives him some serious cred

[CaseDogg]

he's a HUGE weed advocate. so are bill mar and drew carey.

[CaseDogg]

...and he has a pot tattoo.

[Nightshade]

Joe Rogan is awesome in every sense of the word.

[LawL]

Awesome tat.

[fKd]

really fucking nice colour and line work, very impressive

[R00k]

Good read, but I was kinda disappointed that he said "if we decide we don't like you, then you're gonna feel it".... And then he continued to say he was going to eat some of their waffles because he loved them so much.

I thought he was railing AGAINST the idea that stoners aren't to be taken seriously?

[Peenyuh]

he's a HUGE weed advocate. so are bill mar and drew carey.

And CaseDogg.

[Maiden]

nice.

shame he made himself look like and moran with his only reason its still illegal reason being that its a plant. uh, what is tobacco?

[LawL]

I guess you missed this part:

and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies.

[Peenyuh]

That was quite lucid. Does LawL know yer using his login?

[LawL]

Shut up dumbass before I call border patrol.

[Maiden]

I guess you missed this part:

and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies.

that part is b.s. too

they control tobacco sales. we are free to grow tobacco, does anyone?

and as far as the drug companies go, they have the billions to just switch to something else, like the next great pill to make your dick hard.

[l0g1c]

Wow, that should set them fuckers straight!

[Underpants?]

To me it just reads like a well-crafted hissy fit. Quite in typical American fashion, manipulative language to get something because he wants it. Materialism as a state of mind,

oh and people who casually throw pharmaceuticals under the petty addiction bus must have no relatives or friends with real physically debilitating disease. Chris Rock does the same tired ass routine, pharmaceuticals are bad because they make money off them. What's funny is, he's asking everyone who listens to him for a $140 door charge. Forcefully ignorant misanthropes sure are popular these days.

We are living in the age of miracle medicine. Chemotherapy is administered in localized treatments, and somewhere like 500% more effective than it was just 15 years ago. And stupid fuckers like Kanye West are getting bovine marrow matrix and coral to regenerate bones destroyed in careless accidents. Embrel is a godsend for people suffering from severe arthritis. People with diabetes can now get insulin through an inhaler. The list goes on and on, and where would the innovation be without patents? Not in some doper's back yard, growing naturally out of his cat shit fertilized wasteland, I'm betting.

[Captain]

He writes like an angry highschooler.

[Underpants?]

yeah, seriously though:
"Dear, Kellogg’s."
I'd be willing to bet were that a real letter it's about there most of the execs stop reading.