self abuse

Post by **farad** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:19 am

...so today one of my vendors takes a few of us out to play golf...
This guy is a scratch player...on the fifth hole he hits one that drifts left into the edge of the woods...so instead of taking his drop he decided to hit it out of the woods...make a long story short he hits the ball, gets it out into the fairway but in the process he snaps his shaft off on the tree the ball was laying next to...the club head snaps off and hits him in the face gashing it open and knocking out 3 teeth cracking two more and knocking him out cold...

...I lol'd...then took him to the emergency room for stitches...tomorrow I have him set up with a dentist...

...so lets hear some of the stranger things that you've done to fuck yourself up...

Post by **_borsdy** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:22 am

I one time fapped so much that I needed a skin graft from my cousin's ass.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:28 am

I used to be in martial arts classes when I was younger and we'd do exercises and shit before the actual training took place. One of those things we did as sprints across the gymnasium (it was in a public gym) but we would be barefoot of course due to the fact that it was a karate class.

Well I was also a sprinter on the athletics team at high school, specificly the 100m.

So, I learned this. If you're pretty fast, and you takeoff on a gymnasium floor your traction to the floor is better than your skins ability to stay attatched to your foot.

So basicly, I ripped this mound of flesh from the underneath of my large toe that was about the size of half the toe cut halfway up from the floor in a horizontal from the back of the toe towards the front.

It's weird and hard to explain but either way it wasn't pretty, and not somethign you would expect.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:32 am

I hit my knee on a wall 3 months ago and it still hurts. A couple days ago the doctor prescribed me 800mg ibuprofen twice a day.

Post by ek » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:49 am

how does one simply hit their knee on a wall...

but anyway, i dislocated my right shoulder twice, once by going for a rebound and getting my arm pulled; second by diving for the basketball and not rolling properly to soften the impact.

Post by **Grandpa Stu** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:56 am

i have fake teef too. how badly did he damage them? like the entire tooth came out or did the front onces just sorta snap off half way?

for me i was drunk and this girl wanted a piggy back ride. so in the process of her getting mounted on my back the group we were with got a ways ahead. in my drunken stupidity i tried to run. well needless to say i made it about 5 steps before i fell straight on my face and gashed my chin open and knocking out half of my front two teeth. if she wasn't on my back the fall wouldn't have been so bad but since i had the extra weight of another person on my back and the fact that my hands were preoccupied holding her up i was rather fuct. interesting experience altogether but i'd rather not go through it again.

Post by **HM-PuFFNSTuFF** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:58 am

I bag myself every few weeks

Post by **Underpants?** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:59 am

:ol: ouch, I'll take that as another reason to lead the drop every time...
I once watched a classmate try to brand a a lighter-smiley face with the steel too hot and melt a 50 cent piece chunk of flesh off his arm.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:03 am

I got drunk during a beer pong tournament a few weeks ago at a popular bar. I made it pretty far in the tournament and ended up blacking out. I ended up having a fat girl on top of me at some point in the night (I don't remember but I woke up next to it)...still my only fat girl ever. I couldn't piss straight for a week. I had to sit down like a bitch so I wouldn't spray everywhere. Not to mention the blow to confidence, I had always prided myself in not fucking anything over 130lb before that.

Edit: I felt like some fucking rape victim or something. The last thing I remember was having to down all my cups at once because the guy made both ping pong balls in one cup before I had a chance to grab it (this was the winner's bracket after 5 or 6 games. I don't even remember playing my loser's bracket game, but I must have lost). Next thing I know I wake up in a dorm room a floor below mine with the blob. I'm still drunk and kind of freaking out but at first i think I'm in the clear because i most have had whiskey dick. Just to be safe when I get of bed I look in the trashcan between her desk and the bed. Sure enough there's a used condom and I had the post sex piss.

Oh yeah, she was sober too. She wasn't at the bar, she's not 21 and doesn't have an ID. The only thing I can think of she saw me stumbling through the lobby of my building after I (somehow?) got back from the bar.

Post by **Underpants?** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:06 am

there is some weird time stamp issues going on with the posts, either that or my patented time machine keyboard has finally decided to stop being a filthy non-time-rift-creating whore.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:18 am

ek wrote:how does one simply hit their knee on a wall...

I thrust my knee forward to make a stride in order to quickly run up the stairs, but I hit the wall beside the stairs instead.

Post by **[xeno]Julios** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:18 am

ctrlnuke wrote: Not to mention the blow to confidence, I had always prided myself in not fucking anything over 130lb before that.

that would get kinda boring imo, as any woman with a decent height would have to be anorexic...

Post by **farad** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:20 am

Grandpa Stu wrote:i have fake teef too. how badly did he damage them? like the entire tooth came out or did the front onces just sorta snap off half way?

...broke em off at the gums...three lower left in the back...
...looks like it's gotta hurt like a bitch...

Post by **[xeno]Julios** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:20 am

farad wrote:.make a long story short he hits the ball, gets it out into the fairway but in the process he snaps his shaft off on the tree the ball was laying next to...the club head snaps off and hits him in the face gashing it open and knocking out 3 teeth cracking two more and knocking him out cold...

i'm confused - i'm trying to visualize the accident but it ain't making sense.

I'm assuming he swung the golf club and it accidentally hit a nearby tree.

now when i visualize the club head snapping off, i don't see it rebounding into his face.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:20 am

[xeno]Julios wrote:
ctrlnuke wrote: Not to mention the blow to confidence, I had always prided myself in not fucking anything over 130lb before that.
that would get kinda boring imo, as any woman with a decent height would have to be anorexic...

5'4-5'8 - 110/115-130lb is what I go for. (I'm only 5'10/5'11 - 150lb). Just an estimate anyway, it's not like I weigh them...I just have to have a flat stomach.

from the memory of waking up next to it, I'd say the blob was 5'8 - 180lb

Post by **[xeno]Julios** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:24 am

if u get the chance, try out a well built woman (not fat - just athletically built)

you know - the sort of girl who could come close to asphxiating you with her thighs.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:26 am

I know what you're talking about, I've had softball and volleyball girls and I'm not saying I didn't like it...but when I go out to a club/bar/party/whatever social event, the girls I like to hit on are the 5'6-ish 120lb-ish women.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:42 am

Yes definitely, especialy the blond blue eyed sex crazy ones. They're the best.

Post by **Canis** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:47 am

I cut my finger while slicing potatoes once.

Post by **Scourge** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:51 am

Fell off a roof while attempting to climb down a large tv antenna next to it. There was a piece of angle iron sticking out the side and I hit my face on it on the way down. Missed my eye by about an inch. Still have a small scar from it, but my moustache hides it. Yes, I was drunk. Yes, I bled like a stuck pig. Yes, I refused medical attention and kept on drinking. Even got laid a couple hours later.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 3:19 am

fucking redneck

Post by **Scourge** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 3:23 am

Post by **Maiden** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 3:28 am

while drunk and showing off for a boat full of girls I decided to try and do a front flip on a waterski, didn't quite make it. Of course it was my comp ski with double high wrap boots that almost tore off my left foot when I bailed.
crutches for the rest of the summer kinda sucked

Post by **l0g1c** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 3:43 am

I was wading on the shoreline as a kid, tripped on a rock and caught myself on an oyster shell right in the meat of my palm. Deep wound + submerged in salt water = :icon3:

:icon23:

Post by **werldhed** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:14 am

Couple of biking accidents:
-One that tore a 9-inch swath across my left thigh, down to the bone. Too complicated to explain, but it was gruesome.
-Once hit the curb while using clipless pedals --> cartwheeling bike --> faceplant on the sidewalk
-Once I did the same thing that Napoleon Dynamite did with Pedro's bike, except I went over the handlebars and landed on my back, with the bike on top of me.

But my best stupid injury was thus: I was ~12 or 13(?), and my father was working outside on something. He asked me to get him a chisel from the basement of the house. As I was walking across the yard to deliver it, I was throwing it into the ground, making it stick like a knife in the dirt. Unfortunately, for one of the throws, I mistimed my step, as well as my throw, and the 1/2" wide chisel stuck right into my shin.
My mother was ready to take me to the hospital to get stitches, but my brother convinced her that it wasn't neccessary. Thanks, bastard.

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