* You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
* You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
* Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
* 17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
* You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
* You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
* DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
* Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
* A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
* Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
* The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
* Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
* Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
* You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
* You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
* You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
* Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
* Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
* You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
* You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
* Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
* The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
* You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
* You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
* You install clear corner and brake lights.
* You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
* You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
* You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
* If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
* if you can fit fist fuck your exhaust tip
* You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
* If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
* Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
* EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
* You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
* You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
* You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
* The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
* If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
* You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
* A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
* You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
* If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
* If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
* If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
* If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
* Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).
* You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
* If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
* If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
* MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
* Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
* Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
* The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
* If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
* If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
* If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
* If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
* You think pushrods are a bad thing…
* Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
* Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
* You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
* If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
* You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
* You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
* If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
* You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
* If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
* If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
* If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
* If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
* If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
* You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...
* You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
* You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
* You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
* You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
* You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
* You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
* If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
* You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
* You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
* If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
* If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
* You have a front wing.
* If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
* If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
* If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
* If you think colored head lights work better
* Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
* If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
* You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
* You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
* You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
* You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
* You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
* Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
* after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
* Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."
* you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
* Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideways ...
* drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
* You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
* you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."
* You are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy fag with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment and temporary rub-on tattoos!
*
You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year
*
You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25
*
You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust
*
You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit
*
Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags
*
You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people
*
Yugo's give you a run for the money
*
You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint
*
15's are considered HUGE rims
*
You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand
*
You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose
*
You think Moby is one of the greatest composers of our time
*
You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste
*
Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car
*
When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you
*
You think your mom's Corolla is fast
*
The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires
*
Your aftermarket tach is bigger than your fist
*
You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars
*
But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit
*
You rev on school busses
*
Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs
*
You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time
*
YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!
*
You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"
*
The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up
*
You really want to kick my ass right now
*
You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for
*
You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for
*
You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find
*
You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went
*
You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball
*
You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too
*
You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"
*
You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd
*
You still only get dates from high school girls
*
You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto
*
When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up
*
You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time
*
You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription
*
Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)
*
Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower
You might be a ricer if (olo)
haha
... you find yourself using the excuse 'yo, but you gots twice as many cylindas, dude after EVERY race
... you drive a 4 door 'type R'
... your gumby pants make it hard to shift
... more than 20 of your mods involve shielding what is actually underneath
... you have stickers that even most asians don't get
... you have stickers for parts you dont have
... you refer to 50hp as the 'big shot'
... your car has so much camber it can drive on its side
... when you drive by, WWII veterans run for shelter
... your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter
... you have 'power by' anything anywhere on a car made by the engine manufacturer
... birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees
... you sell crack for the image...not the money
... you have 'N/T' polished on the side of car and you don't know what bracket racing is...
... you will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs
... you can't race uphills
... you have "All Motor" emblazoned on your rear hatch right next to your 14.50 dial in
... you brag to have nitrous and have a 14.50 dial in
... your exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most Pro-stock cars
... you spent more money on stickers and stripes than your parents paid for your car
... you go to a performance shop and immediately start rummaging through the decal bin
... your tach is bigger than your head
... you have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic
... you refuse to race because it's a "show car"
... your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" chrome exhaust tip
... at Autocross events you don't participate because you have a drag race setup and at drag events you brag about kicking ass on the autocross.
... you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager
... you brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed.
... your exhaust sounds like a dying Moose
... your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.
... you find yourself using the excuse 'yo, but you gots twice as many cylindas, dude after EVERY race
... you drive a 4 door 'type R'
... your gumby pants make it hard to shift
... more than 20 of your mods involve shielding what is actually underneath
... you have stickers that even most asians don't get
... you have stickers for parts you dont have
... you refer to 50hp as the 'big shot'
... your car has so much camber it can drive on its side
... when you drive by, WWII veterans run for shelter
... your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter
... you have 'power by' anything anywhere on a car made by the engine manufacturer
... birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees
... you sell crack for the image...not the money
... you have 'N/T' polished on the side of car and you don't know what bracket racing is...
... you will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs
... you can't race uphills
... you have "All Motor" emblazoned on your rear hatch right next to your 14.50 dial in
... you brag to have nitrous and have a 14.50 dial in
... your exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most Pro-stock cars
... you spent more money on stickers and stripes than your parents paid for your car
... you go to a performance shop and immediately start rummaging through the decal bin
... your tach is bigger than your head
... you have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic
... you refuse to race because it's a "show car"
... your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" chrome exhaust tip
... at Autocross events you don't participate because you have a drag race setup and at drag events you brag about kicking ass on the autocross.
... you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager
... you brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed.
... your exhaust sounds like a dying Moose
... your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.
-
Chupacabra
- Posts: 3783
- Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2001 7:00 am
... you make posts like this:
ToxicBug wrote:Yesterday at 8pm I was on my way to a friend's house who lives in the city, so I have to take the highway that goes through the whole island of Montreal. So I'm driving on an avenue that crosses the highway and I notice a new blue Neon with two young blokes (not teens, in the 20's) in front and two young chicks inside. They don't go that fast, but right before taking the onramp onto the service road, I get stuck behind some idiot and they end up in front of me on the onramp.
I instantly notice that they are going really fagotly slow on the onramp, like 30km/h, even in my '00 Civic hatch I can take that curve twice as fast. So I tailgate them, when there is enough space I pass them on the right. I gradually speed up on the highway to 110km/h (speed limit 50km/h though) and then I see the blue Neon approaching me from my right. He probably downshifted and wants to pass me and cut in front of me to get onto the highway. Sadly, I can't do shit because my car is a shitty automatic. So I just accept it and there the fagot goes, cutting right in front of me. I see the girls in the back seat turning around giving me "ownt" looks.
And here's the destroying part: as we rolled onto the highway, right before merging, the fagot slows down because he was afraid of the traffic (there was medium traffic at that time), but I saw that there are no cars in the right lane before I started merging onto the highway, so I accelerate (I didn't slow down with him, I was still going about 110km/h before that moment), cross the white lines and blast by the fagot between the lanes like if he was standing still, while I was doing only 130km/h. I lost sight of him from my rearview at that exact moment and never saw that gay blue neon appear there again. Fucking owned :icon19:
-
Grandpa Stu
- Posts: 2362
- Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2000 8:00 am
laugh out fucking loud
some of those are fucking spot on...though a few had me going :icon27:
best one...
best one...
haha and the fly-by ones had me in tears. i get that shit all the time comming home from class. merging onto the highway i don't like to doodle around so i usually get up to highway speeds as soon as i can. well all the ricers mistake this for me looking for a race and will try to catch up to me. the best part is though that on the on-ramp i take it puts you on the bottom of a HUGE hill on the highway that goes up a decent grade for a few miles--the ricers have so much weight and so little power it takes them a long time to catch up. it's even funnier when i let them get within a car distance or side by side and then floor it and leave them behind. they always look at me with a "yeah i fucking owned you" face when they come up next to me but when i'm gone they don't even bother looking at me again once i slow down and let them pass.Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
i remember this poor little del sol that i flashed my brights on so he would get out of my way.
I had the cruise control on at about 85-87 or somewhere in there. everyone else is moving but this guy stays in front so i flash my brights.
That's when i noticed his sewer pipe for an exhaust, and passed him after he moved. well stupid ricer boy mistook this for a 'lets race' and he eventually caught up and put it into like 2nd gear or whatever. all i hear is this bweeeeeeeeeeeee type 'bug in your ear' sound.
so i hit it and blow him away, then he catches back up and wants to go again so i do it again. then he catches up again :olo:and once again,... well you know
i thought it was funny.
I had the cruise control on at about 85-87 or somewhere in there. everyone else is moving but this guy stays in front so i flash my brights.
That's when i noticed his sewer pipe for an exhaust, and passed him after he moved. well stupid ricer boy mistook this for a 'lets race' and he eventually caught up and put it into like 2nd gear or whatever. all i hear is this bweeeeeeeeeeeee type 'bug in your ear' sound.
so i hit it and blow him away, then he catches back up and wants to go again so i do it again. then he catches up again :olo:and once again,... well you know
i thought it was funny.
had a good rice moment today.
was behind a civic hatch with a big fart pipe, big ass tac on the dash and the other little dials going up the side of the windshield. killer mags, ground effects, the whole nine yards. oh and the askewed si plaque on the back.
we are at the light waiting to turn left onto I-5. I give him a couple of good revs to wake him up, he looks in his side mirror and gives me a couple back, fart pipe a singing.
light turns green and we take off. I hear that killer vtech kick in as he is screaming through 2nd on his way to 3rd. I've got the peddle to the floor and as we get to the top of the onramp I go straight to the fast lane and blow by him at 65-70 mph.
oh, and I was driving an 03 base model ford focus that work gave me...
but man his car sure looked fast
was behind a civic hatch with a big fart pipe, big ass tac on the dash and the other little dials going up the side of the windshield. killer mags, ground effects, the whole nine yards. oh and the askewed si plaque on the back.
we are at the light waiting to turn left onto I-5. I give him a couple of good revs to wake him up, he looks in his side mirror and gives me a couple back, fart pipe a singing.
light turns green and we take off. I hear that killer vtech kick in as he is screaming through 2nd on his way to 3rd. I've got the peddle to the floor and as we get to the top of the onramp I go straight to the fast lane and blow by him at 65-70 mph.
oh, and I was driving an 03 base model ford focus that work gave me...
but man his car sure looked fast
Saw a one of those crazy batmobile-type ricers today. I think it was an eclipse, but not so as you could tell anymore. It was one of those things you see in NFS2U ads: black with huge white flames down the side, three-foot Mitsubishi emblem on the back, giant floppy wing, and the big plastic ass on the back with two holes cut out for the pipes (although it only had one exhaust pipe).
The driver and his passenger were slumped really low down, looking badass and mean, just cruising slowly....
...through the grocery store parking lot.
What a complete tool. I guess ricers need to buy groceries, too.
The driver and his passenger were slumped really low down, looking badass and mean, just cruising slowly....
...through the grocery store parking lot.
What a complete tool. I guess ricers need to buy groceries, too.
-
Deathshroud
- Posts: 2103
- Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2005 6:22 pm
Re: You might be a ricer if (olo)
I swear, I've heard this before...andyman wrote: * If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
fucking ownedChupacabra wrote:... you make posts like this:
ToxicBug wrote:Yesterday at 8pm I was on my way to a friend's house who lives in the city, so I have to take the highway that goes through the whole island of Montreal. So I'm driving on an avenue that crosses the highway and I notice a new blue Neon with two young blokes (not teens, in the 20's) in front and two young chicks inside. They don't go that fast, but right before taking the onramp onto the service road, I get stuck behind some idiot and they end up in front of me on the onramp.
I instantly notice that they are going really fagotly slow on the onramp, like 30km/h, even in my '00 Civic hatch I can take that curve twice as fast. So I tailgate them, when there is enough space I pass them on the right. I gradually speed up on the highway to 110km/h (speed limit 50km/h though) and then I see the blue Neon approaching me from my right. He probably downshifted and wants to pass me and cut in front of me to get onto the highway. Sadly, I can't do shit because my car is a shitty automatic. So I just accept it and there the fagot goes, cutting right in front of me. I see the girls in the back seat turning around giving me "ownt" looks.
And here's the destroying part: as we rolled onto the highway, right before merging, the fagot slows down because he was afraid of the traffic (there was medium traffic at that time), but I saw that there are no cars in the right lane before I started merging onto the highway, so I accelerate (I didn't slow down with him, I was still going about 110km/h before that moment), cross the white lines and blast by the fagot between the lanes like if he was standing still, while I was doing only 130km/h. I lost sight of him from my rearview at that exact moment and never saw that gay blue neon appear there again. Fucking owned :icon19:
[url=http://profile.mygamercard.net/Emka+Jee][img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Emka+Jee.jpg[/img][/url]