Wonderful amazon

Post by **Survivor** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:48 pm

Post by **Nightshade** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:12 pm

As a Christian I believe everything written in the Bible, without question. Accordingly I have purchased all of the books in the Bible Cure series, because who knows best about treating illness, doctors or God? I think the answer is obvious. I bought this book for my wife who is currently going through the menopause. She is not enjoying it one bit but I think it is a very good thing. After all does the Bible not say that:
"A woman who is menstruating is unclean. Anyone who touches her is unclean"
"Anything which a woman who is menstruating sits on or lies on is unclean"
"Anyone who touches the bed of a woman who is menstruating must wash his clothes and bathe, and is unclean until evening"
"Anyone who touches anything which was sat upon by a woman who is menstruating must wash his clothes and bathe, and is unclean until evening"
"If a man lies with a woman who is menstruating and any of her discharge touches him, he is unclean for seven days. Any bed he lies on is also unclean"
"After her flow stops, a woman who was menstruating must count off seven days before she is considered clean again. On the eighth day, she must present two birds to the priest for an atonement for having had a menstrual discharge"
The menopause puts an end to all my wife's unclean monthly punishments for Eve's weakness, and she no longer has to go through the rigmorale of the bird presentation ceremony, however she is having hot flushes and mood swings so accordingly this book was a necessity and it is very good. Praise the Lord.

Is not anyone that believes this bag of bollocks not a fucking retard?

Post by **jester!** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:17 pm

Post by **Massive Quasars** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:19 pm

As a Christian I believe everything that is written in the Bible, however far fetched it may seem, including the bits about Jesus healing the sick, like in Matthew 8:14-17:
"Then on coming into Peter's house Jesus saw that Peter's mother-in-law had been put to bed with a high fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her. And then she got up and began to see to their needs" That is probably my favourite miracle because, not only does Jesus cure the woman (praise His name), but He gets her back to work seeing to His needs. It's only fair, He just cured her, and that way everyone's a winner. But I digress, the point is, the Godless cynics would have us believe that the cure for all disease is medicine, they are wrong. All we need is the power of prayer. Having said that, I have been following the guidance set out in the Bible Cure for Diabetes and have not taken my insulin for a day and a half now, I am starting to feel a little bit weak and...

Post by **Bdw3** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:21 pm

As a Christian I have always been well aware that God, in his omniscience, can see me from up in heaven. I have therefore been rightly fearful that he might see my unsightly nose and ear hair and judge me harshly. Imagine my relief when I found this product. God is now very pleased with my appearance, my ugly face notwithstanding, and I can hold my head high at church.

Post by **primaltheory** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:35 pm

Bdw3 wrote:
As a Christian I have always been well aware that God, in his omniscience, can see me from up in heaven. I have therefore been rightly fearful that he might see my unsightly nose and ear hair and judge me harshly. Imagine my relief when I found this product. God is now very pleased with my appearance, my ugly face notwithstanding, and I can hold my head high at church.

LOL GOD WATCHES YOU WANK :icon32:

Post by **seremtan** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:37 pm

Nightshade wrote:Is not anyone that believes this bag of bollocks not a fucking retard?

indeed they are, unless they're ripping the piss bigtime of course...

As a Christian I love Jesus, obviously, and those of you who know me will be aware of my dream: to be a nun. Nuns get to be married to Jesus and oh the perks, but I digress. Sadly that dream is unattainable because I am a man. This costume goes some way to making my dream a reality - a couple of times a week when my wife is out - there's nothing weird about it it's just a bit of fun.

Post by **Foo** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:39 pm

So my theory is that there was an EMP which knocked out all the sarcasm meters here.

Post by **Nightshade** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:57 pm

Foo, if you lived where I do, there's very good reasons why you would think that those comments were real. They could have come from any one of the thousands of fundamentalist Christian aresholes I see every day.
Southern Christians: Putting the 'mental' in fundamentalist.