Best break up letter, ever.

[R00k]

Fucking told.

[farad]

blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah



Brad

...see you picked another loser there rep...


...how much did you tip the bartender...

[booker]

I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard
to respect some Bridge & Tunnel chick who comes out to spend the night
at my place, even though she's seeing someone else in New Jersey, and
winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of
droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with
for a hand job in the men's room.

nice

[Foo]

...see you picked another loser there rep...


...how much did you tip the bartender...

DAFUK YOU TALKING ABOUT

[Canis]

Wow! ...that's almost poetic at times. :icon14:

[Haystacker17]

Well written.

ps. She dont deserve ya..EVER, even if you see her in 10 years on the other side of the road.. ignore her, she isent worth your time..EVER.

[Whiskey 7]

Wow! ...that's almost poetic at times. :icon14:

Yes I am going to add this to that great literature folder I keep.

[tnf]

Very nice.

By the way folks - Rep is not the guy who did the emailing...so don't give him shit about the girl or try to console him...

[tnf]

It reminds me of a story I heard once, and this may be an urban legend, but it went something like this -

Some marine ended up nailing some gal in a bar while he is back in the states on a little break from the gulf, the gal didn't realize that the marine was married at the time. She tells her friend the story, friend knows the guys wife, informs the lady that he was in fact married. She feels terrible, tells the guys wife about the whole thing.

Wife says nothing at the time. Marine goes back to Iraq or wherever. About 1 month or so later, he gets his 'care package' from home. It was routine for hte wife to send cookies, treats, and usually a tape of crap the kids were doing, soccer game highlights, etc. It was a routine for the guy and his friends to eat the cookies and watch the video. Well, they are all eating the cookies, and about 10 minutes into the video the picture cuts to some giant black guys cock, and then you see a lady sucking it dry. It is the wife. She works him over, lets him shoot into her mouth, and then spits the love chowder into a bowl of cookie dough. Looks at the camera and says "enjoy the cookies."


I have a feeling it is either fake or embellished...but for some reason that email reminded me of the story.

[glossy]

awesome

[dubz]

im the guy from the bathroom

[Canis]

It reminds me of a story I heard once, and this may be an urban legend, but it went something like this -

Some marine ended up nailing some gal in a bar while he is back in the states on a little break from the gulf, the gal didn't realize that the marine was married at the time. She tells her friend the story, friend knows the guys wife, informs the lady that he was in fact married. She feels terrible, tells the guys wife about the whole thing.

Wife says nothing at the time. Marine goes back to Iraq or wherever. About 1 month or so later, he gets his 'care package' from home. It was routine for hte wife to send cookies, treats, and usually a tape of crap the kids were doing, soccer game highlights, etc. It was a routine for the guy and his friends to eat the cookies and watch the video. Well, they are all eating the cookies, and about 10 minutes into the video the picture cuts to some giant black guys cock, and then you see a lady sucking it dry. It is the wife. She works him over, lets him shoot into her mouth, and then spits the love chowder into a bowl of cookie dough. Looks at the camera and says "enjoy the cookies."


I have a feeling it is either fake or embellished...but for some reason that email reminded me of the story.

Wow...That's the most disgusting form of revenge I've EVER heard.

[sliver]

I expected, reading this, that the first letter was going to be the woman breaking up with the guy and that the second letter would be the guy responding in some stereotypically masculine way, most likely in the span of about 8 very explicit words.

But reading it, i actually found myself annoyed by how stupid it was.

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".

Stupid, typically wannabe e-funny beginning

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is

Promising set-up

grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

terrible payoff

And the rest of the letter is a bunch of effeminate whining. I was watching Classic Jerry Springer with the roomies earlier tonight, and it was "My daughter was impregnated by a transsexual." And out of all the lesbians, crazy black bitches, and transvestite freakshows, nobody acted as prissy and cuntlike as this guy writing the email. He comes across like a complete and utter biatch, and there isn't a single really biting remark in all of it. His tone is to caustic what pyrite is to gold.

"Forgive me if i dont care" ... "you command as much respect as" ... "we'll laugh our heads off" ... "like watching sea lions mate" ... etc. It reads like something a high school student would write while imagining how awesome his friends think he'll be when he posts it on his blog.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't Fuck him" somehow gave you a clean slate.

So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden etrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill, cum-guzzling blonde, who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some Bridge & Tunnel chick who comes out to spend the night at my place, even though she's seeing someone else in New Jersey, and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class, you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

It's just so dumb ...

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

how about "i BCC'd your father's office email" or something. Christ there's just no teeth to it.

Talk to you never, Brad

Biting last line there, eh? Where's the "P.S. You are so not invited to my birthday party?"

[Sanction]

Talk to you never, Brad

Biting last line there, eh? Where's the "P.S. You are so not invited to my birthday party?"

Stupid, typically wannabe e-funny ending.

[sliver]

Good show; top drawer stuff.

Thanks for summing up in about two seconds' worth of my reading time what exactly about Q3W made it so much less than worthwhile.

[4days]

Oh fuck off the both of ya, you're distracting people from the beaver joke

that joke made me laugh a little.

sliver, you come to terms with your sexuality yet?

[seremtan]

i know i have

[Geebs]

i know i have

I'm not sure going for hags counts as a sexuality.

BTW, if both letters weren't obviously made up, that guy would be a real little bitch.

[Underpants?]

lol my thoughts as well, geebs. In particular the line tongue bathing blah taint blah was contrived and boring.
might have well said
PRICELESS
at the bottom of it, fs