:/
and you wonder why we haven't had a joke thread lately
Haven't had a joke thread lately...
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+JuggerNaut+
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- Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2001 7:00 am
Last edited by +JuggerNaut+ on Fri Sep 16, 2005 7:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
A man's walking along when he spots what appears to be a man with an orange for an head. He's a bit surprised by this so he goes over to have a chat.
"hiya, sorry to bother you but I couldn't halp but notice your head."
"Ahh yes that," says the other man, "When I was travelling the world I visited Saudi Arabia, and in a market in one of the towns I visited I came across a lamp that I liked. When Ipolished it when I finally got home, a genie popped out and granted me three wishes."
"Wow! What did you wish for?"
"firstly I asked for incredible wealth and in an instant I was surrounded with all the money any man could ever want. Secondly I asked to be made irresistible to all women, and since then I've been able to have any woman I desire..."
"Wow, what was your third wish?"
"Well I wished for an orange for a head."
"hiya, sorry to bother you but I couldn't halp but notice your head."
"Ahh yes that," says the other man, "When I was travelling the world I visited Saudi Arabia, and in a market in one of the towns I visited I came across a lamp that I liked. When Ipolished it when I finally got home, a genie popped out and granted me three wishes."
"Wow! What did you wish for?"
"firstly I asked for incredible wealth and in an instant I was surrounded with all the money any man could ever want. Secondly I asked to be made irresistible to all women, and since then I've been able to have any woman I desire..."
"Wow, what was your third wish?"
"Well I wished for an orange for a head."
[img]http://www.zen85869.zen.co.uk/img/mik0rsSig.jpg[/img]
mik0rs wrote:A man's walking along when he spots what appears to be a man with an orange for an head. He's a bit surprised by this so he goes over to have a chat.
"hiya, sorry to bother you but I couldn't halp but notice your head."
"Ahh yes that," says the other man, "When I was travelling the world I visited Saudi Arabia, and in a market in one of the towns I visited I came across a lamp that I liked. When Ipolished it when I finally got home, a genie popped out and granted me three wishes."
"Wow! What did you wish for?"
"firstly I asked for incredible wealth and in an instant I was surrounded with all the money any man could ever want. Secondly I asked to be made irresistible to all women, and since then I've been able to have any woman I desire..."
"Wow, what was your third wish?"
"Well I wished for an orange for a head."
:icon30:[url=http://profile.mygamercard.net/Emka+Jee][img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Emka+Jee.jpg[/img][/url]
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Nightshade
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+JuggerNaut+
- Posts: 22175
- Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2001 7:00 am
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+JuggerNaut+
- Posts: 22175
- Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2001 7:00 am
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+JuggerNaut+
- Posts: 22175
- Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2001 7:00 am
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+JuggerNaut+
- Posts: 22175
- Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2001 7:00 am
actually some of the jokes following riddla's dismal attempts weren't too shabby.R00k wrote:You mean that wasn't your intention?+JuggerNaut+ wrote:ffs man, let it goMemphis wrote:'Cos Juggernaut has killed off all humour in the known universe
so riddla, you can start the topic, but let others "tell" the jokes.
Immagine a western saloon, crowded and pulsating of life; a pianoman is playing typical western music. The air is filled with smoke; it is so thick, you could almost take a knife and cut it.
Then - the doors blast open and a stranger enters. Everyone goes silent.
The barkeeper asks: "Huh.. .Who are You?"
Without saying a single word, the stanger grabs his lasso and performs undescribable tricks, jumping through the loops, grabing bottles from the tables and everyone is stunned by the stranger's lasso skills.
Afer he finishes his show, he says in dangerous sounding words:
"I'm Lasso-Bill!"
The audience breaks into frenetic applause, the stranger gets to the bar, takes a drink and after a short while, everything is back to normal.
Half an hour later, another stranger enters the saloon. Again, he instantly draws all the attention, glasses are dropped by stunned drinkers and so on...
Sensing upcoming trouble, the barkeeper asks:
"Who are You?"
The strangers draws his gun and does, like lasso-bill before him, some impossible and allmost inhuman stunts and tricks with it. After the dust has settled he says:
"Im Pistol-Bill!"
Then he walks up to the bar, takes seat and orders a drink and soon, everything goes back to normal and the saloon is bursting of life and sound again.
Then - one hour later - a third stranger arrives. He's the most ugly and crippeled person you could immagine: a true mutant with six arms, a slimey, naked hunch and a mulitude of eyes.
With a voice shaking in disgust, the barkeeper asks: "Who . The . Fuck . Are . You??!" - "I'm Cherno-Bill"
Then - the doors blast open and a stranger enters. Everyone goes silent.
The barkeeper asks: "Huh.. .Who are You?"
Without saying a single word, the stanger grabs his lasso and performs undescribable tricks, jumping through the loops, grabing bottles from the tables and everyone is stunned by the stranger's lasso skills.
Afer he finishes his show, he says in dangerous sounding words:
"I'm Lasso-Bill!"
The audience breaks into frenetic applause, the stranger gets to the bar, takes a drink and after a short while, everything is back to normal.
Half an hour later, another stranger enters the saloon. Again, he instantly draws all the attention, glasses are dropped by stunned drinkers and so on...
Sensing upcoming trouble, the barkeeper asks:
"Who are You?"
The strangers draws his gun and does, like lasso-bill before him, some impossible and allmost inhuman stunts and tricks with it. After the dust has settled he says:
"Im Pistol-Bill!"
Then he walks up to the bar, takes seat and orders a drink and soon, everything goes back to normal and the saloon is bursting of life and sound again.
Then - one hour later - a third stranger arrives. He's the most ugly and crippeled person you could immagine: a true mutant with six arms, a slimey, naked hunch and a mulitude of eyes.
With a voice shaking in disgust, the barkeeper asks: "Who . The . Fuck . Are . You??!" - "I'm Cherno-Bill"
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HM-PuFFNSTuFF
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