snitch (scourge)

[Keep It Real]

Show me where it is and I'll leave it alone.

If not, I'll leave it alone anyway

[sys0p]

Oh man I think this year has been real good for rap, a good album from the south like every month, Beanie Sigel, that new Kanye song has me anticipating his shit, new Bun B coming. East coast rap is just really weak this year

I've been really late catching some of the southern stuff, bun b is heavy. I'll be getting paul walls album as well, his mixtape was decent.

[sliver]

Look at this quote:

Is it the car, is it the ice, is it the grill
Cause I’m a star that pay the price to keep it real
She at the bar, she lookin nice, she on the pill

You need to think about rhyming multiple words and keeping the rhyme flowing, not some Alexander Flemings bullshit

How's this? No lines with too many syllables (youre right that was Dr Seuss bullshit) and rhymes in the first half of a bunch of them:

I'll give all my contenders switchblade tracheotomies
These lyrical pretenders sound like they’ve had lobotomies
Their rhymes are more lifeless than Mel Gibson's Aramaic
At times they more archaic than a Renaissance mosaic
Buried deep beneath the surface and imperfectly preserved
Like aboriginal religion after time on the reserves
Observe, these n***as player-hate when really they should honour me
They don’t know shit from shit, like pre-Copernican astronomy
They follow me like I’m the resurrected Pied Piper
I’m Apollo to these n***as an immortal fucking sniper
I’m Lee Malvo in the trunk with my finger on the trigger
Every salvo cuts a jugular and kills another n***a

[Keep It Real]

its still not 16 bars

i mean its okay if generic, honestly it looks like every backpacker wu tang wannabe, you need to listen to what rappers are talking about now and reflect it more, you're not talking about anything just trying to be hardcore, its fake. and big words like aboriginal and pre-copercernian mess you up you really don't need to be saying nigga if you're not black And you can't just do AABBCC rhymes the whole time. You don't have to rhyme one word with one word, you can rhyme two words with two words, one word with two words, and use slant rhymes. Look at this verse or download it (Lil Wayne on Baby's song Neck of the Woods):

Gangsta to the core
Ankle wrap flamer
Paint your kicthen floor
Wit your whore
Shit you can't ignore
Things you indure when you fuckin wit the boy
All I hear is weezy don't kill me no more
I hear your bullshit
I play matatdor
I'm not a category
I ain't there wit y'all
I got a positive vibe but I ain't scared of y'all
Git the kid nigga did never that at all
That rat a tat go off
A black kak kak kak
I gotta bitch so fine her name perrion
She no how to stash quarters in a carry on
I blow outta towngrass when I'm outta town
Uptown in the buildin not a sound
Cuz killas don't get heard about
They get whispered about
Or you get murdered out (nigga)

[sliver]

its still not 16 bars

i mean its okay if generic, honestly it looks like every backpacker wu tang wannabe, you need to listen to what rappers are talking about now and reflect it more, you're not talking about anything just trying to be hardcore, its fake. and big words like aboriginal and pre-copercernian mess you up you really don't need to be saying ***** if you're not black And you can't just do AABBCC rhymes the whole time. You don't have to rhyme one word with one word, you can rhyme two words with two words, one word with two words, and use slant rhymes. Look at this verse or download it (Lil Wayne on Baby's song Neck of the Woods)

- It's only 12 cuz thats all ive written now, i scrapped most of it because it wasn't very good. But like i said up above somewhere, alot of rappers don't stick to 16 bars. A group of 4 bars is pretty much the standard unit of music in any time signature and just about any multiple of 4 can be made to sound complete. (I think it was Hypnotize that has 18 bars in the first verse, All Eyez on Me had 20 iirc, etc)
- I didn't want to use the N word but after it rhymed with trigger it looked stupid to use "fuckers" up above
- ill check out that song, thanks

[Keep It Real]

Not all verses are 16 bars but almost all beats have 16 bar verses

[Keep It Real]

A good song that does what you're trying to do with the social shit without sounding contrived is Jadakiss - Why

[Underpants?]

Back then hoes didn't want me now im hot hoes all on me