Epilogue
Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 9:06 am
<img src="http://members.cox.net/anticsensue/stupidquickie.jpg">
This is the condensed version, excluding the mundane. Of course you should be familiar with the misconception that we use ten percent of our brains... The last month by all recollection supports that myth in my case, i.e. I'm still processing all that occurred.
I'm sorry my friends, I'll try to expedite my post to please the babies.
Who: rep
What: rep's pure ownage tour 2005 (amateur continental US bike tour)
Where: Flagstaff, AZ to Philadelphia, PA
Why: Get your noses out of your asses. No need to look any further because you've found da shit.
Wild events: (Hopefully in order)
I. Welfare reject "Sitting Drunk" of the Navajo Nation asked me if he could try riding my bike while I was taking care of my legs at a truck stop. I had a natural racism moment and I said something like, "DELETED." Which is amazing because I've never familiarized myself with Indian racism.
II. Just a few miles into New Mexico, I nearly ran over a beast that was either a mountain lion or some strange dog. It had huge cat-like teeth, and the body was a mix between a mountain lion and coyote. It was similar to the Tasmanian tiger. It wasn't mashed up all that bad, so I was thinking at the time that it wasn't a physical rearrangement courtesy of whatever truck hit it. Most certainly it was strange.
III. I think I saw Kn0wFuRy in an Albertsons in Texas, seriously. I should have asked the manager to turn the store lights off, and then point a flashlight on her, aiming towards the ceiling, while I wore a pair of their $3.99 sunglasses with the blue lenses. Then I'd know if it was really her or not. I didn't bother asking because I had no time for people banging me.
IV. Typically beautiful Oklahoma impressed me once again. Besides some very light showers, the skies were partly cloudy, the animals abundant and unusual, and a golden eagle watched me zoom by. He was perched on a wooden fence post along a traditional ranch, and the look he gave me told the story of his thoughts, "These talons are incredible, and my vision is supreme... But I wish I was as spectacular as this stud. I'd better not ask to join him on the chase, because one of his loyal forum nerds will draw a manga strip of our adventure."
V. About six times, clowns thought it was showing me appreciation by honking their horns when they were eight feet behind me, and I'm busy punching on different buttons of my speedometer. If my balance wasn't superlative, I most likely would have wrecked, my body hurling into the ground but moving through it like a hot knife through butter, only to boomerang back out just in time to uppercut the car to Rhea out of anger.
VI. I had to actually buy food at Wal-Mart a few times just because they were there and open. Amazingly, "Pick Up The Pieces" came on the Wal-Mart radio just as I walk by some attractive young women. The funny part is not only how ridiculous that song is, or how loud it was playing, but about ten seconds later I found a short-cut to the registers by going through the candle and mirror aisle, something I wouldn't normally do because most of those candles and scents are made with lips and ass. Anyway, I knew I was really sweaty, top ten sweaty, and I lift weights and bike in the desert a lot, so whatever your idea of really sweaty is, multiply that by ten. I check myself in the mirror... Hair: wet. No problem. Shirt: soaked to the point that it looks like it's a solid color. No problem. Shorts: Oh, a giant sweat mark down my crack, and a near perfect outline of my balls. Problem. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I walked out of there like nothing ever happened, and I was okay with it. Maybe someone saw me and said, "Hell, I shouldn't worry about my hair so much. It could be worse."
VII. Astonishing was the scene in Ohio, while on a pitch black I-70 with no traffic at all. My headlight was triggering the bioluminescent ability of hundreds of lightning bugs that were flying above the ditch, and just as I was getting hypnotized, two deer (eyes) appeared in the distance with lightning bugs swirling around them. They didn't seem to mind me passing them, they just looked up for a second, and that was all.
VIII. Truck stop Internet kiosks cost $4.00 a minute, and they're all satellite based! There was something scratched in a stall wall like, "Big dicks call: 555-5555" and I was just thinking, "I've always wanted to hear what Kracus sounds like, a little bit." But didn't write down the number.
IX. I had really bad headaches after resting, and I was getting dizzy in Pennsylvania. I had to use two days to rest, and then finish the last thirty miles. If Mayor Street of Philadelphia has any common sense, he'll destroy that awful statue of "Rocky" and erect one of a true hero, me. Originally, I was supposed to finish much earlier than I did. The window I gave myself was between May 5th and May 8th. After staying with family, taking more than one night in most hotels, and some cases of bad daily mileage due to cramps or distractions, it was all over on the 19th. More than a month to complete something I originally planned for twenty days or less, but still: Booya!
So, how has your parent's basement been?
Love,
rep
This is the condensed version, excluding the mundane. Of course you should be familiar with the misconception that we use ten percent of our brains... The last month by all recollection supports that myth in my case, i.e. I'm still processing all that occurred.
I'm sorry my friends, I'll try to expedite my post to please the babies.
Who: rep
What: rep's pure ownage tour 2005 (amateur continental US bike tour)
Where: Flagstaff, AZ to Philadelphia, PA
Why: Get your noses out of your asses. No need to look any further because you've found da shit.
Wild events: (Hopefully in order)
I. Welfare reject "Sitting Drunk" of the Navajo Nation asked me if he could try riding my bike while I was taking care of my legs at a truck stop. I had a natural racism moment and I said something like, "DELETED." Which is amazing because I've never familiarized myself with Indian racism.
II. Just a few miles into New Mexico, I nearly ran over a beast that was either a mountain lion or some strange dog. It had huge cat-like teeth, and the body was a mix between a mountain lion and coyote. It was similar to the Tasmanian tiger. It wasn't mashed up all that bad, so I was thinking at the time that it wasn't a physical rearrangement courtesy of whatever truck hit it. Most certainly it was strange.
III. I think I saw Kn0wFuRy in an Albertsons in Texas, seriously. I should have asked the manager to turn the store lights off, and then point a flashlight on her, aiming towards the ceiling, while I wore a pair of their $3.99 sunglasses with the blue lenses. Then I'd know if it was really her or not. I didn't bother asking because I had no time for people banging me.
IV. Typically beautiful Oklahoma impressed me once again. Besides some very light showers, the skies were partly cloudy, the animals abundant and unusual, and a golden eagle watched me zoom by. He was perched on a wooden fence post along a traditional ranch, and the look he gave me told the story of his thoughts, "These talons are incredible, and my vision is supreme... But I wish I was as spectacular as this stud. I'd better not ask to join him on the chase, because one of his loyal forum nerds will draw a manga strip of our adventure."
V. About six times, clowns thought it was showing me appreciation by honking their horns when they were eight feet behind me, and I'm busy punching on different buttons of my speedometer. If my balance wasn't superlative, I most likely would have wrecked, my body hurling into the ground but moving through it like a hot knife through butter, only to boomerang back out just in time to uppercut the car to Rhea out of anger.
VI. I had to actually buy food at Wal-Mart a few times just because they were there and open. Amazingly, "Pick Up The Pieces" came on the Wal-Mart radio just as I walk by some attractive young women. The funny part is not only how ridiculous that song is, or how loud it was playing, but about ten seconds later I found a short-cut to the registers by going through the candle and mirror aisle, something I wouldn't normally do because most of those candles and scents are made with lips and ass. Anyway, I knew I was really sweaty, top ten sweaty, and I lift weights and bike in the desert a lot, so whatever your idea of really sweaty is, multiply that by ten. I check myself in the mirror... Hair: wet. No problem. Shirt: soaked to the point that it looks like it's a solid color. No problem. Shorts: Oh, a giant sweat mark down my crack, and a near perfect outline of my balls. Problem. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I walked out of there like nothing ever happened, and I was okay with it. Maybe someone saw me and said, "Hell, I shouldn't worry about my hair so much. It could be worse."
VII. Astonishing was the scene in Ohio, while on a pitch black I-70 with no traffic at all. My headlight was triggering the bioluminescent ability of hundreds of lightning bugs that were flying above the ditch, and just as I was getting hypnotized, two deer (eyes) appeared in the distance with lightning bugs swirling around them. They didn't seem to mind me passing them, they just looked up for a second, and that was all.
VIII. Truck stop Internet kiosks cost $4.00 a minute, and they're all satellite based! There was something scratched in a stall wall like, "Big dicks call: 555-5555" and I was just thinking, "I've always wanted to hear what Kracus sounds like, a little bit." But didn't write down the number.
IX. I had really bad headaches after resting, and I was getting dizzy in Pennsylvania. I had to use two days to rest, and then finish the last thirty miles. If Mayor Street of Philadelphia has any common sense, he'll destroy that awful statue of "Rocky" and erect one of a true hero, me. Originally, I was supposed to finish much earlier than I did. The window I gave myself was between May 5th and May 8th. After staying with family, taking more than one night in most hotels, and some cases of bad daily mileage due to cramps or distractions, it was all over on the 19th. More than a month to complete something I originally planned for twenty days or less, but still: Booya!
So, how has your parent's basement been?
Love,
rep
because I didn't care enough to check my settings. I'll upload a couple in a few days.
nim-nim? What did kindergarten get out early today?