Chuck Norris ain't got shit on Hercules
Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 11:25 pm
Now here's a real man who spent his days killing people who annoyed him (as well as their sons in many cases), slaughtering monsters, raping women and fathering children. A true hero of his time.
Selections from Apollodorus's Library of Greek Mythology:
Heracles was taught lyre-playing by Linos [who] was a brother of Orpheus ... but was killed by Heracles with a blow from his lyre (for Linos had struck him, and Heracles lost his temper and killed him).
When Heracles met with the heralds who were travelling to [Heracles's home city] Thebes [to collect] tribute, he subjected them to a shameful mutilation; for he cut off their ears, noses, and hands, and tying these to their necks with cords, he told them to take that as tribute to Erginos and the Minyans. Outraged by this action, Erginos marched against Thebes. Heracles ... took command of the Thebans, killed Erginos, and put the Minyans to flight; and he forced them to pay tribute to the Thebans at twice the aforementioned rate.
On reaching Nemea, he sought out the lion, and began by shooting arrows at it, but when he discovered that the beast was invulnerable, he raised his club and chased after it. [Ultimately, by] throwing his arm round its neck, he held it in a stranglehold until he had throttled it.
It happened that two men from [Heracles's] ship who had gone ashore were killed by the sons of Minos; and in his fury at this, Heracles slew them on the spot, and kept the other islanders under close siege until they sent a delegation to invite him to take whatever pair of them he pleased in return for the men who had been murdered.
He was entertained [in Mysia at the court of Lycos] and when Lycos joined battle with the king of the Bebrycians, Heracles came to his aid, and killed many men, including King Mygdon, the brother of Amycos. And he deprived the Bebrycians of a large amout of land and gave it to Lycos, who called the whole territory Heracleia.
As he was sailing off [from Ainos], he shot and killed a man of violence on the shore there, Sarpedon, a son of Poseidon and brother of Poltys. Arriving in Thasos, he subjugated the Thracians who inhabited the island and gave it to the sons of Androgeos to settle in. From Thasos he set out for Torone, where he was challenged to a wrestling match by Polygonos and Telegonos, the sons of Proteus, son of Poseidon, and killed them during the contest.
So travelling through Europe to fetch the cattle of Geryon, Heracles killed many savage beasts and arrived in Libya. In the course of his journey, he was overheated by the Sun, and aimed his bow against the god; and the Sun was so impressed by his bravery that he offered [Heracles] his golden cup.
Arriving in Erytheia, Heracles set up camp on Mount Abas. His presence was detected by the dog Orthos, which rushed to attack him; but he struck it with his club and when the herdsman Eurytion came to the dog's assistance, he killed Eurytion too.
He passed through Abderia and arrived in Liguria, where Ialebion and Dercynos, sons of Poseidon, tried to rob him of [Geryon's] cattle, but he killed them and travelled on.
So Heracles proceeded on his way, until he arrived at the River Echedoros, where Cycnos, the son of Ares and Pyrene, challenged him to single combat; [to avenge his son's death,] Ares too engaged him in single combat, but a thunderbolt was hurled between the two combatants, bringing the fight to an end.
He travelled through Libya, which was then ruled by Antaios, a son of Poseidon, who compelled strangers to wrestle with him and killed them. When he too was compelled to wrestle with him, Heracles seized him in his arms, lifted him into the air, and crushed him until he was dead.
Leaving Libya, he passed through Egypt, which was then under the rule of Bousiris, son of Poseidon and Lysianassa. Bousiris used to sacrifice strangers on an altar of Zeus, in accordance with an oracle ... So Heracles was arrested and dragged to the altars, but he broke free of his bonds, and killed both Bousiris and his son Amphidamas.
Menoites, son of Ceuthonymos, challenged him to a wrestling match. Heracles seized him round the middle and broke his ribs, but let him go when Persephone interceded.
When the Isthmenian Games were being celebrated for the third time and the Eleans sent the Molionides to take part in teh sacrifices, Heracles set an ambush for them at Cleonai and killed them. Then he marched against Elis and captured the city. After he had killed Augeias and his sons, he recalled Phyleus and granted him the throne.
After the capture of Elis, he marched against Pylos. He took the city and killed Periclymenos, the bravest of Neleus' sons, who used to change shape as he fought. He killed Neleus too, and all his sons, except for Nestor, who was still a boy and was being brought up amongst the Gerenians. During the battle, he also wounded [the god] Hades, who came to the aid of the Pylians.
As he was passing by Tegea, Heracles raped Auge, without realizing that she was the daughter of Aleos.
He set out from Trachis to fight as an ally of Aigimios, king of the Dorians, for the Lapiths, under the command of Coronos, had gone to war with Aigimios over the boundaries of the land, and finding himself besieged, he had summoned Heracles to his aid, offering a share of the land in exchange. So Heracles came to his assistance, killed Coronos and others too, and delivered the whole country to Aigimios without accepting any reward. He also killed Laogoras, king of the Dryopes, along with his children, as he was feasting in a sanctuary of Apollo; for Laogoras was a man of violence and an ally of the Lapiths. As he was passing Itonos, he was challenged to single combat by Cycnos, son of Ares and Pelopia; so Heracles joined battle with him, and killed him too. When he arrived at Ormenion, its king, Amyntor, appearing under arms, would not allow him to pass through; so, prevented from passing on his way, Heracles killed Amyntor also.
Heracles had the following sons by the daughters of Thespios. By Procris, he had Antileon and Hippeus (for the eldest daughter gave birth to twins); by Panope, he had Threpsippas; by Lyse, he had Eumedes; by [. . .], he had Creon; by Epilais, he had Astyanax; by Certhe, he had Iobes; by Eurybia, he had Polylas; by Patro, he had Archemachos; by Meline, he had Laomedon; by Clytippe, he had Eurycapys; he had Eurypylos by Eubote; by Aglaia, he had Antiades; by Chriseis, he had Onesippos; by Oreie, he had Laomenes; he had Teles by Lysidice; he had Enteides by Menippis; by Anthippe, he had Hippodromos he had Teleutagoras by Eury; he had Cpylos by Hippo; by Euboia, he had Olympos; by Nice, he had Nicodromos; by Argele, he had Cleolaos; by Exole, he had Erythras; by Xanthis, he had Homolipposl by Stratonice, he had Atromos; he had Celeustanor by Iphis; by Laothoe, he had Antiphos; by Antiope, he had Alopios; he had Astybies by Calametis; by Phyleis, he had Tigasis; by Aischreis, he had Leucones; by Antheia, he had [. . .]; by Eurypyle, he had Archedicos; he had Dynastes by Erato; by Asopis, he had Mentor; by Eone, he had Amestrios; by Tiphyse, he had Lyncaios; he had Halocrates by Olympousa; by Heliconis, he had Phalias; by Hesiocheia, he had Oistrables; by Terpsicrate, he had Euryopes; by Elacheia, he had Bouleus; he hadAntimachos by Nicippe; he had Patroclos by Pyrippe; he had Nephos by Praxithea; by Lysippe, he had Erasippos; he had Lycourgos by Toxicrate; he had Boucolos by Marse; he had Leucippos by Eurytele; and by Hippocrate, he had Hippozygos.
And he had the following sons by other women. By Deianeira, daughter of Oineus, he had Hyllos, Ctessipos, Glenos, and Oneites; by Megara, daughter of Creon, he had Therimachos, Deicoon, and Creontiades; by Omphale, he had Agelaos, from whom the family of Croesus was descended; by Chalciope, daughter of Eurypylos, he had Thettalos; by Epicaste, daughter of Augeias, he had Thestalos; by Parthenope, daughter of Stymphalos, he had Everes; by Auge, daghter of Aleos, he had Telephos; by Astyoche, daughter of Phylas, he had Tlepolemos; by Astydameia, daughter of Amyntor, he had Ctesippos; and by Autonoe, daughter of Peireus, he had Palaimon.
Selections from Apollodorus's Library of Greek Mythology:
Heracles was taught lyre-playing by Linos [who] was a brother of Orpheus ... but was killed by Heracles with a blow from his lyre (for Linos had struck him, and Heracles lost his temper and killed him).
When Heracles met with the heralds who were travelling to [Heracles's home city] Thebes [to collect] tribute, he subjected them to a shameful mutilation; for he cut off their ears, noses, and hands, and tying these to their necks with cords, he told them to take that as tribute to Erginos and the Minyans. Outraged by this action, Erginos marched against Thebes. Heracles ... took command of the Thebans, killed Erginos, and put the Minyans to flight; and he forced them to pay tribute to the Thebans at twice the aforementioned rate.
On reaching Nemea, he sought out the lion, and began by shooting arrows at it, but when he discovered that the beast was invulnerable, he raised his club and chased after it. [Ultimately, by] throwing his arm round its neck, he held it in a stranglehold until he had throttled it.
It happened that two men from [Heracles's] ship who had gone ashore were killed by the sons of Minos; and in his fury at this, Heracles slew them on the spot, and kept the other islanders under close siege until they sent a delegation to invite him to take whatever pair of them he pleased in return for the men who had been murdered.
He was entertained [in Mysia at the court of Lycos] and when Lycos joined battle with the king of the Bebrycians, Heracles came to his aid, and killed many men, including King Mygdon, the brother of Amycos. And he deprived the Bebrycians of a large amout of land and gave it to Lycos, who called the whole territory Heracleia.
As he was sailing off [from Ainos], he shot and killed a man of violence on the shore there, Sarpedon, a son of Poseidon and brother of Poltys. Arriving in Thasos, he subjugated the Thracians who inhabited the island and gave it to the sons of Androgeos to settle in. From Thasos he set out for Torone, where he was challenged to a wrestling match by Polygonos and Telegonos, the sons of Proteus, son of Poseidon, and killed them during the contest.
So travelling through Europe to fetch the cattle of Geryon, Heracles killed many savage beasts and arrived in Libya. In the course of his journey, he was overheated by the Sun, and aimed his bow against the god; and the Sun was so impressed by his bravery that he offered [Heracles] his golden cup.
Arriving in Erytheia, Heracles set up camp on Mount Abas. His presence was detected by the dog Orthos, which rushed to attack him; but he struck it with his club and when the herdsman Eurytion came to the dog's assistance, he killed Eurytion too.
He passed through Abderia and arrived in Liguria, where Ialebion and Dercynos, sons of Poseidon, tried to rob him of [Geryon's] cattle, but he killed them and travelled on.
So Heracles proceeded on his way, until he arrived at the River Echedoros, where Cycnos, the son of Ares and Pyrene, challenged him to single combat; [to avenge his son's death,] Ares too engaged him in single combat, but a thunderbolt was hurled between the two combatants, bringing the fight to an end.
He travelled through Libya, which was then ruled by Antaios, a son of Poseidon, who compelled strangers to wrestle with him and killed them. When he too was compelled to wrestle with him, Heracles seized him in his arms, lifted him into the air, and crushed him until he was dead.
Leaving Libya, he passed through Egypt, which was then under the rule of Bousiris, son of Poseidon and Lysianassa. Bousiris used to sacrifice strangers on an altar of Zeus, in accordance with an oracle ... So Heracles was arrested and dragged to the altars, but he broke free of his bonds, and killed both Bousiris and his son Amphidamas.
Menoites, son of Ceuthonymos, challenged him to a wrestling match. Heracles seized him round the middle and broke his ribs, but let him go when Persephone interceded.
When the Isthmenian Games were being celebrated for the third time and the Eleans sent the Molionides to take part in teh sacrifices, Heracles set an ambush for them at Cleonai and killed them. Then he marched against Elis and captured the city. After he had killed Augeias and his sons, he recalled Phyleus and granted him the throne.
After the capture of Elis, he marched against Pylos. He took the city and killed Periclymenos, the bravest of Neleus' sons, who used to change shape as he fought. He killed Neleus too, and all his sons, except for Nestor, who was still a boy and was being brought up amongst the Gerenians. During the battle, he also wounded [the god] Hades, who came to the aid of the Pylians.
As he was passing by Tegea, Heracles raped Auge, without realizing that she was the daughter of Aleos.
He set out from Trachis to fight as an ally of Aigimios, king of the Dorians, for the Lapiths, under the command of Coronos, had gone to war with Aigimios over the boundaries of the land, and finding himself besieged, he had summoned Heracles to his aid, offering a share of the land in exchange. So Heracles came to his assistance, killed Coronos and others too, and delivered the whole country to Aigimios without accepting any reward. He also killed Laogoras, king of the Dryopes, along with his children, as he was feasting in a sanctuary of Apollo; for Laogoras was a man of violence and an ally of the Lapiths. As he was passing Itonos, he was challenged to single combat by Cycnos, son of Ares and Pelopia; so Heracles joined battle with him, and killed him too. When he arrived at Ormenion, its king, Amyntor, appearing under arms, would not allow him to pass through; so, prevented from passing on his way, Heracles killed Amyntor also.
Heracles had the following sons by the daughters of Thespios. By Procris, he had Antileon and Hippeus (for the eldest daughter gave birth to twins); by Panope, he had Threpsippas; by Lyse, he had Eumedes; by [. . .], he had Creon; by Epilais, he had Astyanax; by Certhe, he had Iobes; by Eurybia, he had Polylas; by Patro, he had Archemachos; by Meline, he had Laomedon; by Clytippe, he had Eurycapys; he had Eurypylos by Eubote; by Aglaia, he had Antiades; by Chriseis, he had Onesippos; by Oreie, he had Laomenes; he had Teles by Lysidice; he had Enteides by Menippis; by Anthippe, he had Hippodromos he had Teleutagoras by Eury; he had Cpylos by Hippo; by Euboia, he had Olympos; by Nice, he had Nicodromos; by Argele, he had Cleolaos; by Exole, he had Erythras; by Xanthis, he had Homolipposl by Stratonice, he had Atromos; he had Celeustanor by Iphis; by Laothoe, he had Antiphos; by Antiope, he had Alopios; he had Astybies by Calametis; by Phyleis, he had Tigasis; by Aischreis, he had Leucones; by Antheia, he had [. . .]; by Eurypyle, he had Archedicos; he had Dynastes by Erato; by Asopis, he had Mentor; by Eone, he had Amestrios; by Tiphyse, he had Lyncaios; he had Halocrates by Olympousa; by Heliconis, he had Phalias; by Hesiocheia, he had Oistrables; by Terpsicrate, he had Euryopes; by Elacheia, he had Bouleus; he hadAntimachos by Nicippe; he had Patroclos by Pyrippe; he had Nephos by Praxithea; by Lysippe, he had Erasippos; he had Lycourgos by Toxicrate; he had Boucolos by Marse; he had Leucippos by Eurytele; and by Hippocrate, he had Hippozygos.
And he had the following sons by other women. By Deianeira, daughter of Oineus, he had Hyllos, Ctessipos, Glenos, and Oneites; by Megara, daughter of Creon, he had Therimachos, Deicoon, and Creontiades; by Omphale, he had Agelaos, from whom the family of Croesus was descended; by Chalciope, daughter of Eurypylos, he had Thettalos; by Epicaste, daughter of Augeias, he had Thestalos; by Parthenope, daughter of Stymphalos, he had Everes; by Auge, daghter of Aleos, he had Telephos; by Astyoche, daughter of Phylas, he had Tlepolemos; by Astydameia, daughter of Amyntor, he had Ctesippos; and by Autonoe, daughter of Peireus, he had Palaimon.
