News of the Weird March 18th, 2022

[Whiskey 7]

News of the Weird March 18th, 2022

LEAD STORY -- Awesome!

Thirteen-year-old Matilda Walden of Bentham, United Kingdom, has broken the Guinness World Record for assembling a Mr. Potato Head, United Press International reported on March 14. Walden put together the iconic toy in just 5.69 seconds. The previous record had been in place for 10 years. Her secret technique? "I had to be joining the nose and mustache together as I picked them up in one hand," she said. Walden was hoping to raise awareness of Skipton Extended Learning for All, an organization that offers services to children. Walden noted, "I have disabilities, and sometimes find that in other community events I was not welcome and people judge me." She is thinking about going for the record for assembling a Mr. Potato Head while blindfolded. [UPI, 3/14/2022]


Inexplicable

On March 12, a standoff in Bedford County, Pennsylvania, dragged on for 10 hours after Catherine Ann Imler, 57, made an odd appearance around 1:30 p.m. at another resident's home, WJAC-TV reported. Imler was naked, and she reportedly forcefully entered the home, where she stole the man's shotgun. As she walked out his back door with the gun, he asked her what she was doing, and she said, "It's my house." Imler then returned to her own home. The victim called authorities, who set up a perimeter around Imler's house but couldn't extract her until late that evening, when she was taken to UPMC Altoona with self-inflicted injuries from a sword. [WJAC, 3/14/2022]


Bright Idea

A big night out on March 12 led Leoni Fildes, 34, to a big idea: She would get an Uber from The Church Inn in Salford, United Kingdom, to Ukraine, to "help" the situation there. Fildes admits she had "one too many double pink gins and shots of Sambuca," the Manchester Evening News reported, and she was saved from her drunken philanthropic tendencies by fiscal realities: Her Uber app reported "insufficient funds" to back the 1,700-mile trip, which would have cost about 4,500 British pounds. (Not for lack of trying, though -- Uber attempted to make the transaction nine times.) "I remember when we were looking, we said, 'Oh, we'll get the comfort one.' That's dearer -- the XL one," Fildes said. "I'm so glad I didn’t have the funds available." [Manchester Evening News, 3/17/2022]


Oops, I Did It Again

NBC2-TV reported on March 6 that Anthony Antonaras, 38, of Venice, Florida, inexplicably rammed his pickup truck three times into the home of a woman he knows, damaging her garage doors and a window near the front door. When she came outside, Antonaras was sitting in the bed of the truck as “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus blared from the stereo. He told police that his “foot slipped”; but he also said that the woman is “not a good person” and that the incident was “a message.” Antonaras could be heard screaming expletives while the homeowner was speaking with the 911 dispatcher on the phone. He faces felony charges for criminal mischief and other offenses. [NBC2, 3/6/2022]


We All Need a Little Good News

Sunday, March 13, was a holiday in New Zealand: Waitangi Day. As such, Turanga library in Christchurch was scheduled to be closed for the day, but the automated door locks malfunctioned, The Guardian reported, and the unstaffed and unsecured library was used by 380 people that day -- without any ill effects. "Our self-issue machines automatically started up and 147 books were issued by customers," a library staff member said. "No book-theft alarms went off, and at this stage nothing has been reported missing, nor have we spotted any damage." Only one disgruntled customer left a note about there being "no librarians in sight." "We're grateful for the honesty of the people who used the library during this time," said Bruce Rendall, head of facilities, property and planning at Christchurch city council. [Guardian, 3/14/2022]


Least Competent Criminal

Thomas Eugene Colucci of Spring Hill, Florida, wasn't quite sure that the methamphetamine he purchased from a man he met at an area bar was the real deal, Fox13-TV reported. So on March 10, he called 911 to ask authorities to test his stash. Colucci told the Hernando County Sheriff's Office that as an experienced meth user, he knew what it should feel like, and handed two small baggies over to a deputy. He wanted officials to "put the person in trouble" who sold him the drugs, but he couldn't provide a name or contact information. Deputies did test the substance, which proved to be meth, and placed Colucci under arrest for possession. [Fox13, 3/11/2022]


Blue Light Special

Pastor Paul Knight of Hope Church in Grand Forks, North Dakota, is puzzled. On the morning of March 9, as he drove by his own home, he noticed that someone had placed a giant K from a Kmart store on his front lawn, the Grand Forks Herald reported. The sign is believed to be from the Kmart store that's being redeveloped in town. "I don't know who to call," Pastor Knight said. "So I am kind of making a general announcement: The people who are responsible for this, you're welcome to remove it anytime. My wife hopes it's gone by June, I think." [Grand Forks Herald, 3/14/2022]


What Are the Odds?

Katie Chisholm, 32, is only about 2% Irish, according to her ancestry.com report, but the luck o' the Irish was with her, and her mother, Mary Adams, 67, and her daughter, Charlotte Chisholm, 1, as they all were born on March 17, The Irish Sun reported. Katie, of Omaha, Nebraska, says she and her family "just feel like the luckiest people ever. My husband's family has a much stronger Irish heritage -- his mother's maiden name is O'Connor. St. Patrick's Day was always a major family holiday for him growing up." As for those odds of three generations of women born on March 17? According to the Sun, they're about 1 in 100,000. [Irish Sun, 3/16/2022]


You Had One Job

On March 14, as the Norwegian Escape, a 164,000-ton cruise ship that can carry 4,000 passengers, attempted to pull away from Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic, it hit the seabed, damaging the ship's hull and putting an end to the rest of the seven-day cruise. According to CNN, Norwegian Cruise Lines said the grounding was the result of wind; passengers were evacuated and will receive a full refund, plus a credit toward a future cruise. Passengers didn't seem to mind being stranded in paradise; one tweeted that "morale is high." [CNN, 3/16/2022]


Unclear on the Concept

Jackson, Wisconsin, dentist Scott Charmoli, 61, was convicted on March 10 of five counts of health care fraud and two counts of making false statements about his patients' treatment, The Washington Post reported, after a scheme in which he drilled into and broke his patients' teeth so he would have to charge them to fix the damage. His plan increased his income from $1.4 million in 2014 to $2.5 million a year later. Federal prosecutors reported that Charmoli inserted more crowns in his patients' mouths than 95% of Wisconsin dentists between 2016 and 2019; one assistant testified that the change in strategy made her uncomfortable and she ended up leaving the practice. Charmoli is scheduled for sentencing in June. [Washington Post, 3/16/2022]

Source acknowledgement. News of the Weird by the Editors at Andrews McMeel Syndication